Somewhere in between

I slept in a bed again. God. It feels amazing. I still don’t have a bed at home, but it’s my fault for not managing my time better to get one. >.<

My match in Nagoya was with Hazuki Reo. I had fun even though my insides feel like they've been crushed. What is this life? Is there something wrong with me? I'm not sure sometimes, but I'm having fun and it tickles something within so I'll go with the flow.

Right now we’re in a small off the highway town between Nagoya and Osaka. I woke up before everyone else and took a walk. I think I’m in the next town over in a ガスト.

Ever since we hit the mountains, a deep feeling of nostalgia has taken over me. This usually happens when we have away shows. The road pulls at something inside of me that feels like it’s been ignored. And I yearn to ride. I miss cycling into the night through dimly lit streets, feeling my muscles ache as I force my legs to keep pumping, pumping, pumping. It hurts when I imagine the roads cutting into the mountains and down through coastlines and I’m not there to feel them. I’m not there to feel the air push against me or fight as it leaves my lungs. I miss these things. I do something very similar now. These moments in the ring where I force my body to move in ways and combinations that are new to me..excite me.
..there is a different challenge of endurance in this world I’m currently in and much of it is a mental test. These loves of mine are so different..and yet strangely similar.

I’ve always felt like my heart was scattered all over the place, the people I love, the things I want to do and see, where I want to be. I have all this energy and it pushes out of me in so many different directions. It can be so hard to focus. Everything I’m doing..everything I do..I love it. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t. But I always want more. I want everything.

*ガスト – (Gasuto) a 24hr chain restaurant serving everyone from families, drunkards, and long distance travelers. Perhaps you could call it the Japanese equivalent to an American diner. Though it is vastly different…it’s probably the closest thing they have to an American diner.