I know. I’m obsessed with the idea of strength. Though that idea changes and evolves as I continue flopping and clawing through this life. I understand that there is more than just physical power. Inner strength, mental fortitude is necessary to navigate through the crap that can get thrown at you by angry monkeys and dickheads who can’t take care of their own shit. I think it’s ok to compartmentalize, or to have a wall and be cold, or be open and completely vulnerable like an idiot child who just hopes for the best. Maybe I should take turns using these defenses instead of just using one. HAHA…I think the completely vulnerable one is what I’ve been using lately. Just being open and letting all the different emotions hit. Take it. Accept it. And move on. Though…sometimes you get tired and that’s when it’s time to rotate your defense. Mmm..maybe what matters really is which defense you use and when you use it. Timing is everything isn’t it?
Anyways this probably doesn’t make sense to anyone. It doesn’t really make sense to me either…just words…falling from my head and combining on screen.
I’ve been out on a break from wrestling for 3 weeks now. I have a lot of mixed feelings about it. I do feel crazy not being able to run around and kick and jump on people, but it was nice to have some down time to hermit and see my friends. It was a good time to reflect, watch movies, wrestling vids, and read (kinda — I’m not supposed to concentrate too hard or supposedly my brain would explode ~.~) Overall, it’s been really frustrating not being able to do what makes me feel good or happy. But I guess it was a good thing. I don’t often get the chance to reflect, write in this blog and sound like weirdo. LUCKY!
I’m gonna work on a new costume then go float in the ocean for a while. Dear online journal and eyes that come across my rants, thanks for existing.
I often don’t know what I’m doing or where I’m going. But thanks for being here with me, assholes. I love you all.
DONE DONE DONE. NOW I’M GONNA GO EAT MEAT. BLKDSJ:LDSKH:LASKJd;lJSDLIWOEIJLSDKAKDJ