Thank you Hiromi.
We’ve known each other for a year and half now.
You were always kind during training.
I’ve been waiting for you.
Welcome to the ring, my lightly meaty friend.
Let’s get strong together.
I plan on winning. So should you.
Time is a funny thing. Sometimes I get so focused on how little of it I have that I lose the moment. And other times this awareness makes every moment so. fucking. precious. I’m lucky to have had a friend remind me of that fairly recently.
“It isn’t permanent.”
It isn’t. And it wasn’t. And whatever happens next will just be another moment that passes. But I will love it. And I am grateful for all the moments that were given and shared with me. Fucking thank you.
So let’s do this.
Oedo Tai and Stardom are touching down in America for the first time. I don’t think you can even understand how excited I am. There are no words. No number of “fucks” shouted aloud and wild hand waving could illustrate how excited I am right now. I haven’t been back home in so long. And I’m gonna see my mom and freaking sister for the first time in more than 2..almost 3 years.
I’m ready to come home. Maybe not to stay just yet. But I’m ready to see America again. I’ve missed you lady. How have you been?
I know. I’m obsessed with the idea of strength. Though that idea changes and evolves as I continue flopping and clawing through this life. I understand that there is more than just physical power. Inner strength, mental fortitude is necessary to navigate through the crap that can get thrown at you by angry monkeys and dickheads who can’t take care of their own shit. I think it’s ok to compartmentalize, or to have a wall and be cold, or be open and completely vulnerable like an idiot child who just hopes for the best. Maybe I should take turns using these defenses instead of just using one. HAHA…I think the completely vulnerable one is what I’ve been using lately. Just being open and letting all the different emotions hit. Take it. Accept it. And move on. Though…sometimes you get tired and that’s when it’s time to rotate your defense. Mmm..maybe what matters really is which defense you use and when you use it. Timing is everything isn’t it?
Anyways this probably doesn’t make sense to anyone. It doesn’t really make sense to me either…just words…falling from my head and combining on screen.
I’ve been out on a break from wrestling for 3 weeks now. I have a lot of mixed feelings about it. I do feel crazy not being able to run around and kick and jump on people, but it was nice to have some down time to hermit and see my friends. It was a good time to reflect, watch movies, wrestling vids, and read (kinda — I’m not supposed to concentrate too hard or supposedly my brain would explode ~.~) Overall, it’s been really frustrating not being able to do what makes me feel good or happy. But I guess it was a good thing. I don’t often get the chance to reflect, write in this blog and sound like weirdo. LUCKY!
I’m gonna work on a new costume then go float in the ocean for a while. Dear online journal and eyes that come across my rants, thanks for existing.
I often don’t know what I’m doing or where I’m going. But thanks for being here with me, assholes. I love you all.
DONE DONE DONE. NOW I’M GONNA GO EAT MEAT. BLKDSJ:LDSKH:LASKJd;lJSDLIWOEIJLSDKAKDJ
We’re riding up to Aomori tonight. We have a match at 2pm tomorrow. The bus doesn’t have any chains on the tires. Lol I wonder how well it’ll travel through snow country.
It’s the 3rd to last show we have for the year.
After Aomori is Osaka, then the year climax at Korakuen in Tokyo.
For those that know me, I’m very concerned about time. I have a terrible concept of time. I’m never right on time. If I’m not late, I’m ridiculously early. So I prefer to practice the latter. But like I mentioned in a previous post..I feel like I never have any time. Training, family, friends. I get so caught up in the movement of a moment that I don’t realize time has passed until someone or something outside of myself reminds me to slow down.
I’m trying..to become a more self-aware person. I feel like I’ve gotten to know myself much better since I’ve come to Japan. Acknowledging my weaknesses and flaws, and either choosing to accept them or change them..I think that’s what I’ve been doing all this time.
I don’t have the stability many of my friends and family have, nor can I give the monetary comfort I wish I could to my family. But I still feel like I’m doing what I’m supposed to do.
And I know…I know it’s selfish. Chasing dreams and impulses half way across the world.. But I can’t stop. Not now. I just started. And I want to continue building myself into the best version I can be. …sorry gonna stop for a bit. Feelings got overwhelming. Can’t really identify what I’m feeling at the moment..probably because I don’t want to think anymore. //end rant
Do I push publish? Yeah Fuck it. Thanks for reading my thoughts.